So today I spent with a really good friend, we didn't really do much. Went to the mall, petco, and picked up some BWW. It was a well needed day for me due to the fact I had essentially started to freak out over a variety of things and needed that well needed distraction. When I got home I came to a realization and I need to change a few things (thoughts, actions, physical). So I thought I'd begin by writing them out, it'll help me with seeing them out there and keep me accountable. So here goes nothing..... :-/
1) Admit that yes I do have weird a germaphobia, which I know a lot of people don't understand and really don't abide by the rules that come under that. And that is ok. Sigh. Ok scratch that, TRY to admit that is ok when I really know its not BUT for the sake of sanity, of not only ME but also the world around me, it's ok. It's ok if someone touches trash and doesn't OCD out and have the need to wash their hands right away without touching anything else before washing the hands. Realize that everyone doesn't see the world as a huge petri dish of germs and disease, it is but... yeah...
2) Try to use better and learn better grammar and punctuation. I suck at it, I know. I'm a complete run-on sentence at times.
3) Try not to freak out over the fact of being 25, almost 26 come April, and not having at least my Masters. I do realize I should have by now according to what I had planned out, but well sometimes things don't go as planned. Everything DOES happen for a reason, or so I used to believe. I'm applying to schools right now, I don't know where and when and if I'll get in. Like my therapist keeps telling me, try to enjoy the moment and stop worrying about the future and thinking of the past. So I gotta do that. Enjoy the moment. Be there. I know it sounds extremely ridiculous, but I gotta try.
4) Lose weight. In high school I lost like 40ish lbs. I used to run about 2 miles everyday. I used to lift weights. I know I have it IN me I just gotta do it. I hate being the weight I am and I hate discussing it. So starting right this second I've set my mind to trying to get back to the 130 lbs. I can do it. It just means eat healthy, exercise, and take my thyroid medication. After I lose like say 20 lbs I will reward myself with a nice shirt or pants or shoes. Something. Which brings me to my 5th point....
5) take thyroid medication. I have to take two medications. The reason I hate taking them is that I have to wait an thirty minutes to an hour before I can eat breakfast. Ideally it's waiting an hour. SO I'll take them and do number 6....
6) Get back into reading. I used to be such an avid reader. I still honestly LOVE to read, I love the smell of a book, new or old. I love the feel of a book and being able to engulf yourself in a captivating story. These days I've dwindled down to this: walk around a B&N or a place with books, read the backs, think "OH! I might love this!", buy the said book, come home and read maybe a page or two, put it down and never touch it again. It then goes and lives a happy untouched life on my bookshelf. I'm completely embarrassed. If my old self saw me today I think I would have shot my new self. SO tonight I got Deception Point by Dan Brown out. I have read it before and I remember loving it. I'll read it after I get done here.
7) Go to bed at better times and keep that schedule.
8) Clean up my room and decorate it more to MY liking and not to the likings of what others want.
9) Forget the past. Forget the people who have walked out of your life willingly. Make up with the ones who I have pushed away. I need to work on that. I need to talk to three people. I'll deal with them in baby steps.
10) Try not to conquer everything tonight. I'm not superwoman. Baby steps and it will be less of a chance of my giving up on them. But not too slow.
11) Realize that yes I am single and there are some good things that come with that. And yes I will find that special someone one day who will mesh with me. He will understand my weird germaphobia and learn it. He will understand my weird intricate ways. He will understand my depression and anxiety. But he will see that all that isn't what makes me, well me, but he will see who I really am. And I will do the same with him.
12) Write more. I loved to write before. It's a wonderful outlet which I need to use more often.
1) Admit that yes I do have weird a germaphobia, which I know a lot of people don't understand and really don't abide by the rules that come under that. And that is ok. Sigh. Ok scratch that, TRY to admit that is ok when I really know its not BUT for the sake of sanity, of not only ME but also the world around me, it's ok. It's ok if someone touches trash and doesn't OCD out and have the need to wash their hands right away without touching anything else before washing the hands. Realize that everyone doesn't see the world as a huge petri dish of germs and disease, it is but... yeah...
2) Try to use better and learn better grammar and punctuation. I suck at it, I know. I'm a complete run-on sentence at times.
3) Try not to freak out over the fact of being 25, almost 26 come April, and not having at least my Masters. I do realize I should have by now according to what I had planned out, but well sometimes things don't go as planned. Everything DOES happen for a reason, or so I used to believe. I'm applying to schools right now, I don't know where and when and if I'll get in. Like my therapist keeps telling me, try to enjoy the moment and stop worrying about the future and thinking of the past. So I gotta do that. Enjoy the moment. Be there. I know it sounds extremely ridiculous, but I gotta try.
4) Lose weight. In high school I lost like 40ish lbs. I used to run about 2 miles everyday. I used to lift weights. I know I have it IN me I just gotta do it. I hate being the weight I am and I hate discussing it. So starting right this second I've set my mind to trying to get back to the 130 lbs. I can do it. It just means eat healthy, exercise, and take my thyroid medication. After I lose like say 20 lbs I will reward myself with a nice shirt or pants or shoes. Something. Which brings me to my 5th point....
5) take thyroid medication. I have to take two medications. The reason I hate taking them is that I have to wait an thirty minutes to an hour before I can eat breakfast. Ideally it's waiting an hour. SO I'll take them and do number 6....
6) Get back into reading. I used to be such an avid reader. I still honestly LOVE to read, I love the smell of a book, new or old. I love the feel of a book and being able to engulf yourself in a captivating story. These days I've dwindled down to this: walk around a B&N or a place with books, read the backs, think "OH! I might love this!", buy the said book, come home and read maybe a page or two, put it down and never touch it again. It then goes and lives a happy untouched life on my bookshelf. I'm completely embarrassed. If my old self saw me today I think I would have shot my new self. SO tonight I got Deception Point by Dan Brown out. I have read it before and I remember loving it. I'll read it after I get done here.
7) Go to bed at better times and keep that schedule.
8) Clean up my room and decorate it more to MY liking and not to the likings of what others want.
9) Forget the past. Forget the people who have walked out of your life willingly. Make up with the ones who I have pushed away. I need to work on that. I need to talk to three people. I'll deal with them in baby steps.
10) Try not to conquer everything tonight. I'm not superwoman. Baby steps and it will be less of a chance of my giving up on them. But not too slow.
11) Realize that yes I am single and there are some good things that come with that. And yes I will find that special someone one day who will mesh with me. He will understand my weird germaphobia and learn it. He will understand my weird intricate ways. He will understand my depression and anxiety. But he will see that all that isn't what makes me, well me, but he will see who I really am. And I will do the same with him.
12) Write more. I loved to write before. It's a wonderful outlet which I need to use more often.
Take your medicine! My mom has to take thyroid medicine and wait an hour also. She sets her alarm 1 hr eary. wakes up just enough to take it then goes back to sleep and the real alarm goes off an hour from then so that when she does wake up for real she can eat breakfast right away if she wants to! I'm one long run on sentence too so don't feel bad! Oh and I took out the trash this morning and had to touch things before I washed my hands ;) lol... how else was I supposed to open the door!?
ReplyDeletelol... just saw this... and ily... ill try that whole alarm thing... im glad you can join the band of run on sentences that is Sana lol.... and dont close your door.. lock your loveable katie and throw the trash without closing the door.. wash your hands then close the door and katie out... BAM! now you know how to throw away your trash for this germaphobe :P lol
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