oy ve

I hate this anxiety that I get sometimes. Sometimes it can last for a few days and sometimes just for a little bit. These days I think my anxiety is being caused by needing to ask some professors of mine for letters of recommendations and to turn in applications to different programs, which honestly I have a feeling I won't get into. The next deadline is January 25th. SIGH! Kill me please. My heart keeps feeling like it's about to pump out of my chest and land next to me mockingly. Nothing I do gets me calm. Anything I do I always end up thinking of it. And I keep avoiding doing the things I need to do to apply because I'm just scared shitless. I know one can't just sit back and not do anything because in a sense that is admitting failure and I'm one whos too stubborn to do that. I need to calm down, my heart needs to stop pounding, and I need to stop feeling like I'm about to burst into tears any second from the stress. I have no earthly idea what to do. I can't just sit back and not do anything but any time I want to I over think and stress out and avoid. The circle needs to stop. Its annoying me. I need to figure out how to stop this.